The blogodometer finally kicked over 25,000. A minor triumph. Time to put a shot-gun blast through the screen door. Microwave a can of beans until it explodes. Throw a bottle of high proof alcohol at the wood burning stove. Bust up some wooden chairs to feed the bonfire. Drop in the Mentors tape, and swan dive naked into an empty pool.
And get this party started.
As C.E.O. and acting Operations Manager of T.T.T.F., it warms my cockleshells to have this opportunity to self-congratulate myself. Since nothing pleases me more than pleasing myself. Except of course, pleasing others. Which I would do more of, if it wasn’t so hard. And I could remember to.
This month at T.T.T.F., we are not only celebrating another arbitrary milestone in spam-driven statistics, but a two-year anniversary, as well. -Pause to let polite applause die down- That’s right, Trudge turned two this September. And I am proud to announce that the future of Trudging Through The Fire is going to continue hinging on the fickle decision-making process of an alcoholic in recovery. Which means it’s future is not only uncertain, but as C.E.O. I can assure any stockholders that all their fears are warranted.
I have to go to the board meetings. So I know. The people at the top are fucking clueless. Oracle reading ape-shit thrown against a wall would yield richer intellectual heft than some ideas being tossed around. The best one being to kill the whole thing. Just take Ol’ Yeller out to the barn and tap one into the T-Zone.
My God, look at the format. It hasn’t changed or had an upgrade the whole time. Why? Because the people in our Creative Marketing department are playing Grand Theft Auto 5. Instead of coming up with exciting new ideas, they’re running over hookers in an attempt to flee the police.
It’s criminal what goes on behind the scenes here. You’ll find more work ethic in an opium den. And corporate couldn’t care less. Why should they? They’ve got their parachutes and are ready to bail at the slightest turbulence. I’ve never seen such craven, self-seeking leadership. These dogs are swimming the Volga and Kiev hasn’t even fallen. And that kind of cut-and-run cowardice runs from the top hat to the toes of this organization.
Only the fact that it is not a success-driven enterprise keeps it afloat. The whole thing survives…because it doesn’t need to.
How creepy is that? It’s Un-American. Pathogenic.
But you didn’t hear any of this from me. As C.E.O. I’m supposed to wave the flag and rally the troops. But then again, I’m supposed to do a lot of things. Besides elbowing old ladies on my way to the life boat.
Anyway, let us not forget why we’re all gathered here– to celebrate something by now I am so totally over– our Turquoise Silver Jubilee. Twenty-five thousand hits in two years!
And yes, that’s less than the video of the girl having an attack of diarrhea at the hot tub party got in it’s first hour on Youtube. But we’re not trying to compete with that. Nothing could. The fact remains, we now have over a quarter of a hundred thousand hits!
I’m sorry, but I can’t get excited either. It all leaves me pretty empty. And feeling like this project was a complete waste. A waste of time. And a bitter disappointment. Let’s face it, this blog is not going anywhere. And sometimes I hate doing it. So to continue would be insane.
Good thing all that doesn’t phase me anymore. I can eat that bullshit like bucket chicken. So I’m good. Good and ready to lead us on to our third year together. If you will only continue to trust me, I promise to lead us to places more fantastic than any Byronic nightmare. We will scale heights that leave Olympic gods dizzy, short of breath, and wondering which arm going numb is bad. We will plumb depths darker than any ex-child actor, and then emerge, not only unrepentant, but cocky and streetwise.
Stories of our journey will be used to frighten children into obedience.
I can think of no greater honor.
And we’ve made some good friends along the way, haven’t we? Met me some crazy mofos through this blog, friendships I will treasure to my dying days. And that wasn’t in our Mission Statement. If there had been one. No, sometimes you just have to do things, like write a blog, or paint, or practice lap dancing on the couch in the garage, for no good reason at all. Other than it’s something to do. And as long as you chasten yourself against the lust of result, the disappointments will be few. The happy surprises many.
I’m just glad to be writing again, for whatever lack of a reason. Don’t think I would have had the chance if I kept going like I was. So that’s reason enough to mark the milestone. If you’re still hung up on reasons.
So now, I would like to raise a glass and make a toast. To Reason. May it be damned for a dog. Okay, now those of you who can do so with apparent impunity, please drink yourselves into a joyous stupor, and do something insane.
Those of us who can’t drink anymore will be watching. Maybe getting a little crazy on ourselves over by the coffee.
Just to show you we still got it.
Thanks for reading. Trudge on.